


Kirby's Dream Chat

by Zum1UDontNo



Category: Kirby (Video Games)
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Slow Burn, but like... for friendship, chatfic, gonna get REAL creative with the timeline later on, it might take a while for your favorite characters to show up, it's another kirby chatfic baybey!!!, just the existence of the group chat will change events, starts before Kirby's Dream Land, this is "what if kirby had a group chat", this is not "kirby except they have a group chat", tries to be funny but also tries to tell a story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zum1UDontNo/pseuds/Zum1UDontNo
Summary: It can send text-based messages between devices instantly. It works regardless of location and distance between devices. And Dreamland couldn't be less ready for it. Dreamland receives its very first groupchats, and the world will never be the same.At least Kirby will be able to talk to his friends any time he wants.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 53
Collections: Kirby Chatfics





	Kirby's Dream Chat

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [King Dedede Makes a Groupchat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14785841) by [SinFrog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinFrog/pseuds/SinFrog). 
  * Inspired by [Guessing Games](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26272720) by [phoelynfabulous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoelynfabulous/pseuds/phoelynfabulous). 



_2:53 PM_

**_Meta Knight_ ** _has created a room!_

 ** _Meta Knight_ ** _has renamed the room_ **_Knights of the Halberd_** _!_

 ** _Meta Knight_ ** _has invited_ **_8_ ** _members!_

 **Meta Knight:** **@everyone** Sound off.

**Captain Vul:** Present!

**Sword Knight:** Accounted for.

**Mace Knight:** First!

 **Mace Knight:** DAMMIT

**Blade Knight:** here

**_Axe Knight_ ** _has left the room!_

**Trident Knight:** here

 **Trident Knight:** Axe what the fuck

**Javelin Knight:** *hacker voice* I'm in

**Sailor Dee:** i can’t find the volume control!

 **Sailor Dee:** i’m sorry meta knight!

**Meta Knight:** That is alright, Sailor Dee.

**_Meta Knight_ ** _has invited_ **_Axe Knight_** _!_

**Meta Knight:** Axe Knight, I’ve told you the significance of this.

**Axe Knight:** I just don’t see the point

 **Axe Knight:** If we need something we can just holler

 **Axe Knight:** None of this overcomplicated stuff

**Trident Knight:** Axe, with all due respect

 **Trident Knight:** you said we didn’t need cannons

 **Trident Knight:** since you could just stand on the deck and throw axes

**Axe Knight:** And when have we needed the cannons

 **Axe Knight:** That’s right we haven’t

**Captain Vul:** Axe, the Halberd hasn’t even flown once! Of course we haven’t used the cannons!

**Axe Knight:** Sounds like a flimsy justification to me

**Blade Knight:** cant wait for axe to tear through alien invaders by throwing axes at light speed

**Axe Knight:** Can we get back to the point

**Meta Knight:** That being?

**_Axe Knight_ ** _has left the room!_

 **_Meta Knight_ ** _has invited_ **_Axe Knight_** _!_

**Meta Knight:** No. No we cannot.

**Axe Knight:** I don’t trust this technology

 **Axe Knight:** Where did you even get it the interface is different from anything on Popstar

**Sword Knight:** That is irrelevant. Sir Meta Knight believes it will be beneficial to the Meta-Knights, so we shall use it.

**Javelin Knight:** Think I've got this figured out

**_Javelin Knight_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_Javalin_** _!_

**Blade Knight:** oh shit howd you do that

 **Blade Knight:** wait there it is

**_Blade Knight_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_the cooler sword_** _!_

**Sword Knight:** Blade, please at least attempt to remain professional. We must set a good example as Sir Meta Knight’s right hands. Nicknames will only impede communication.

**_Meta Knight_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_The Batman_** _!_

 **_The Batman_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_Meta Knight_** _!_

**Sword Knight:** Um.

**Sailor Dee:** meta knight???

**Meta Knight:** Sword raises a valid point, nicknames may undermine the reason for this chat.

**Javalin:** You were definitely in the middle of changing your name before you saw Sword's message

**Trident Knight:** dies that mean they're off the table

 **Trident Knight:** does

**Meta Knight:** If you wish to nickname yourself, you may. Although I would request that nobody purposefully nickname themselves a confusing name.

 **Meta Knight:** For example, do not name yourself "Captain VuI," with an uppercase I rather than a lowercase l.

 **Meta Knight:** Do not make your nickname someone else's name in general.

**Captain Vul:** Yeah, you BETTER not name yourself that

**the cooler sword:** is this a callout

**Meta Knight:** Yes. Apologies, Blade, but please change your username.

**_the cooler sword_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_the_** _!_

**Sword Knight:** Blade.

**Meta Knight:** Yes, Blade, we all think you're hilarious.

**Trident Knight:** ajvydlb cox focus dlxuxkvkgye

 **Trident Knight:** IT ATE MY KEYSMASH

 **Trident Knight:** JAVELIN HOW DO I TURN IT OFF

**Javalin:** That would be the autocorrect

 **Javalin:** I'll swing by your room

**Trident Knight:** thank

 **Trident Knight:** also did you misspell your name

**Javalin:** No, I just like coffee

**Trident Knight:** ah, valid

**Sailor Dee:** what even is a “keysmash”?

**Trident Knight:** I don’t know but it represented my emotions better than any word ever could

**Meta Knight:** Moving back to Blade, that name is technically acceptable, so long as you don't start responding to every instance of the word "the."

**the:** sweet

**Sword Knight:** Sir Meta Knight, you know how Blade is. You can't trust him to not do that, even if you have his word.

**Meta Knight:** ...

**_Meta Knight_ ** _has reset_ **_the_** _'_ _s username to default!_

**Blade Knight:** ah. censorship

**Axe Knight:** This is exactly what I'm talking about

 **Axe Knight:** It's going to be a train wreck and a potential distraction

**Meta Knight:** It will be a boon to communication. It stays.

**Axe Knight:** Just shout if you want to tell people something!

**Meta Knight:** IT WILL BE A BOON TO COMMUNICATION. IT STAYS.

**Sailor Dee:** hhhhhhhhhh

**Trident Knight:** JKHDJKFHKLGJJRKHGFJHD

 **Trident Knight:** FUCK IT UP META

 **Trident Knight:** oh right

**_Trident Knight_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_Try dental_** _!_

**Captain Vul:** What

**Try dental:** might think of something better later

**_Captain Vul_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_Chocolate Mix_** _!_

**Meta Knight:** Is this another one of your seventeen step puns?

**Chocolate Mix:** I’ll give the first person to figure it out... something

**Blade Knight:** real motivated

**Meta Knight:** You all get yourselves acquainted with this room. I’m off to a meeting with the King very soon.

 **Meta Knight:** In my absence...

**_Meta Knight_ ** _has given_ **_Sword Knight_** _,_ **_Blade Knight_ ** _and_ **_Chocolate Mix_ ** _administrator privileges!_

**Chocolate Mix:** Well, what’s all this?

**Meta Knight:** As my right hands, Sword and Blade are trusted. As are you, Vul, as the soon-to-be commander of the Halberd.

**Sword Knight:** Blade Knight, please do not abuse this power.

**_Blade Knight_ ** _has changed_ **_Sword Knight_** _’s username to_ **_fanboy_** _!_

 **_Blade Knight_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_chum chum_** _!_

**chum chum:** too late

 **chum chum:** meta knights, but awesome

**Sailor Dee:** oh shit!!

 **Sailor Dee:** matching nicknames!!!!

**fanboy:** What did I just say?

**Axe Knight:** Heh

 **Axe Knight:** At least Sword’s makes sense

**Try dental:** look at you, getting all used to the system

**Axe Knight:** I still hate it here

**Try dental:** oh I suspect we all will

**_fanboy_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_Sword Knight_** _!_

**chum chum:** aww

 **chum chum:** our matching nicknames

**Sword Knight:** Apologies, Blade Knight, but I refuse to be named that.

**_Sailor Dee_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_plum plum_** _!_

**plum plum:** i’ll match with you blade!!

 **plum plum:** it doesn’t match in the same way but we still match...!

**chum chum:** sailor i would give you the world if you asked for it

 **chum chum:** im crying

**Try dental:** friendship wins

 **Try dental:** also where’s Javelin he’s still not here

**Chocolate Mix:** Mace Knight has also been suspiciously silent

**chum chum:** hes prob sulking since he wasnt first

**Try dental:** checks out

**Meta Knight:** I’m glad you’ve all gotten used to this. Hopefully, the instant communication this provides will help us to make Dreamland a better place.

 **Meta Knight:** Now... I’m off to visit King Dedede.

 **Meta Knight:** Unfortunately.

**Sword Knight:** For what reason, Sir Meta Knight?

**Meta Knight:** He and I organized an alliance of sorts. I give him weekly reports of important information we find out.

 **Meta Knight:** We’re not officially recognized as part of his army, simply citizens of his kingdom. He has no power over us.

 **Meta Knight:** I’ll be introducing this technology to him, so he may use it himself. I believe he and I may be able to put it to good use.

 **Meta Knight:** And if not, it likely won’t cause any harm.

**Chocolate Mix:** Wait, you trust him?

**Meta Knight:** Absolutely not.

 **Meta Knight:** Remember the reason for the Halberd’s construction.

**Axe Knight:** When is that happening anyway

**Meta Knight:** Soon. We just need a few more parts completed, and an ideal time to strike.

 **Meta Knight:** I do not intend for any of you to interact with the King, but in case you must for whatever reason, keep your cards close.

**Sword Knight:** Understood.

**chum chum:** gotcha

**Try dental** **:** sounds good

 **Try dental:** Javelin says yeah too, he just got here

**Chocolate Mix:** Soon, my sweetheart. Just a little longer until you can spread your wings

**Try dental:** and that’s creepy

**Meta Knight:** **@Mace Knight**?

**Mace Knight:** Oh, sure

**Meta Knight:** I’ll be heading over now. Sword, Blade and Vul are in charge.

**_Meta Knight_ ** _is now offline!_

**chum chum:** whos up for Mario Kart

 **chum chum:** winner gets to choose the loser’s nickname

**Axe Knight:** That is entirely too much power

 **Axe Knight:** I’m in

* * *

_3:24 PM_

_This is the start of your message history with_ **_Meta Knight_** _!_

**Meta Knight:** I send a message on my screen.

 **Meta Knight:** And see? You’ve received it on yours.

**King Dedede:** WHOA WHAT

**Meta Knight:** These messages work from upwards of 200 meters away, from what I’ve tested. I’m unsure of the upper range.

 **Meta Knight:** With this, we may be able to keep in contact without the need to travel to the castle.

**King Dedede:** Well, would you look at that

 **King Dedede:** Fancy

**Meta Knight:** Indeed. Very fancy.

 **Meta Knight:** No, I don’t know who made it. I found it on patrol a week ago, and replicated it for my crewmates.

 **Meta Knight:** Yes, I know we’re right next to each other. I’m answering here so you can get used to using it.

**King Dedede:** Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **King Dedede:** Hey if you hold down a letter it makes a bunch of them

**Meta Knight:** Yes, I am aware.

**King Dedede:** King ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

 **King Dedede:** ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

**Meta Knight:** Thank you, King Dedede.

**King Dedede:** Whats the red line for

**Meta Knight:** That would be when something is not recognized as a word. Perhaps it’s misspelled, or simply doesn’t exist in the dictionary.

 **Meta Knight:** You can tap the word, and a selection of the most likely alternatives will appear. Some words will also autocorrect themselves into what it believes they are meant to be.

**King Dedede:** How do I turn it off

**Meta Knight:** What?

**King Dedede:** Nobody criticizes the king

 **King Dedede:** How do I turn the red line off

**Meta Knight:** ...Allow me to point it out.

**King Dedede:** There we go

 **King Dedede:** stupid mashine tryign to fix perfection

**Meta Knight:** You know how to spell perfection, but not machine?

**King Dedede:** Of course i know how to write my name

**Meta Knight:** ...If there is nothing else you need, I’ll be returning to my crew.

**King Dedede:** Hold up

 **King Dedede:** How many of these thingamajigs do you have

**Meta Knight:** Currently, we only have about ten extra in storage. However, they’re surprisingly easy to reproduce.

 **Meta Knight:** Why do you ask?

**King Dedede:** Well

* * *

_3:40 PM_

**Knights of the Halberd**

**Meta Knight:** I hate dealing with him. So much.

 **Meta Knight: @Javalin** , would you mind starting up the production again? We'll need some additional devices.

**Lemme axe you a question:** What did he do this time

**Meta Knight:** ...What is that name.

**Lemme axe you a question:** Trident got a blue shell

**Meta Knight:** That doesn't explain anything... whatever.

 **Meta Knight:** As I was introducing him to the device, he asked if he could have some extras. If I wish to maintain diplomacy with him, I must not refuse.

 **Meta Knight:** You know how he gets.

**Javalin:** Alright, got the assembly up and running

 **Javalin:** How many do we need though? And why would Dedede nee

 **Javalin:** Wait no

 **Javalin:** NO

 **Javalin:** HE DIDN'T

**Meta Knight:** This is going to blow through our resources.

* * *

_9:36 PM_

**_King Dedede_ ** _has created a room!_

 **_King Dedede_ ** _has renamed the room_ **_throne room_** _!_

 **_King Dedede_ ** _has activated the whitelist! Only admins are able to send messages!_

 **_King Dedede_ ** _has invited_ **_1137_ ** _members!_

_**King Dedede** has given **Dee001** , **Dee101** , **Dee201** , **Dee301** , **Dee401** , **Doo001** , **Doo101** , **Doo201** , **Kibble001** and **Marx** administrator privileges! _

**King Dedede:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE

 **King Dedede:** This here’s a chatroom so we can talk without having to get up

 **King Dedede:** I expect promtp reports of anything that needs reporting

 **King Dedede:** Each one of you is responsible for the minions under your command. **@Dee001** will be responsible for **@Dee002** through **@Dee100** , and so on

 **King Dedede:** feel free to make rooms for your own section

 **King Dedede:** there are extra devices in one of the storage closets if you need any more, if yours get broken or whatever

**Dee001:** What about **@Marx** , Great King?

**King Dedede:** He’s in charge of all the miscellaneous minions that there aren’t enough of to get their own section

 **King Dedede:** If you can’t handle it, let me know and I’ll assign someone else to administrate alongside you

**Marx:** hey hey, i’m not just a court jester, i’m a great leader too!

 **Marx:** these misfits will have the time of their LIVES with me

**King Dedede:** And?

**Marx:** *sigh* and they’ll be efficient and stuff

**Dee001:** I’ve seen him spend hours planning out pranks, so I know he’s skilled at organization

 **Dee001:** I was just surprised, is all

**Marx:** how’d you even decide who would be an admin?

**King Dedede:** whoevers numbers ended in 01

**Marx:** HA

**Doo101:** How do we make rooms for our own minions, your highness?

 **Doo101:** And isn’t 100 people too many people for one person to handle?

**King Dedede:** Figure it out

**Marx:** i got twice that and change buster

**Kibble001:** Marx, might we meet up later today?

 **Kibble001:** There’s something I’d like to discuss

**Marx:** on my way!

**Kibble001:** I SAID LATER TODay

**King Dedede:** Time to put this thing to use

 **King Dedede:** Somebody bring me something to eat

**Dee001:** Hot dogs?

**King Dedede:** Sounds good, but probably not enough

**Dee301:** I’ve created my room

**Dee201:** teach me how!

**Dee101:** I want to know too.

**Doo001:** As would I

**Dee301:** The curse of knowing things

 **Dee301:** Come to the east wing, I’ll be in the library

**Marx:** on my way!

**Kibble001:** PUT ME DOWN

 **Kibble001:** ...Although I do need to learn how to make my room too

**King Dedede:** Yo **@Dee001** remember to bring the relish

**Dee001:** Back to the kitchen I go!

**King Dedede:** Why is he the only one getting me food

 **King Dedede:** I’m skin and bones over here

**Marx:** made my room and the simirrors have started a crusade

 **Marx:** they’re spamming the chat with incantations

**King Dedede:** then put a stop to it!

**Marx:** nah

**Doo001:** This is a disaster

**King Dedede:** WHERE IS MY FOOD

 **King Dedede:** Dee001 is valid and NOBDODY ELSE IS

 **King Dedede:** **@everyone** YOUR KING IS HUNGRY

 **King Dedede:** GET ME SOME GRUB

**Dee001:** Uh, Great King?

 **Dee001:** We’re the only ones that can talk, but the others are still here

 **Dee001:** You just pinged all 1200 people

**King Dedede:** Well good

 **King Dedede:** Maybe that’ll put some pep into everyone’s step

 **King Dedede:** not you 001 you’ve done nothing wrong in your life ever

**Dee001:** !!!!

**King Dedede:** but everyone else is on THIN ICE

**Dee101:** This may well result in all of the food in Dreamland being brought to you.

**King Dedede:** heh, that'd be funny

 **King Dedede:** ...

 **King Dedede:** you know what

**Dee101:** Someday I'll learn to shut up. But that day is not today, nor tomorrow.

**Dee401:** just got back from setting up my room, what the happ is fuckening

**King Dedede:** Move out, loyal minions

 **King Dedede:** WERE DOING THIS

**Marx:** hmm, seems like a lot of work. dunno if i wanna do this

**King Dedede:** you can have all the... peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

**Marx:** on my way!

**Kibble001:** PUT. ME. DOWN.

**King Dedede:** huh. Didn't expect that to work

**Marx:** i'll leave you the crusts

**Kibble001:** ...You make a hard bargain, but a fair one

**Dee001:** Me and my group will scour Green Greens and Whispy's Forest!

 **Dee001:** Is that fine, Great King?

**King Dedede:** 100 Dees should be enough for that area, yeah

 **King Dedede:** wait, whispy is in whispy’s forest

**Marx:** people die when you kill them

**King Dedede:** shut

 **King Dedede:** take the parasol division with you 001

**Dee001: @Dee201**?

**Dee201:** oh

 **Dee201:** ok!

 **Dee201:** yeah we can protect you from apples!

**Marx:** me and kibble will get fljnouianreghnoj

**Dee401:** MARX DOWN I REPEAT MARX DOWN

**Kibble001:** FREEDOM

 **Kibble001:** ...But it would be good to gather all we can from the Float Islands, yes

 **Kibble001:** Marx and I will head over there

**King Dedede:** how are you getting there?

**Marx:** the flotzos can carry us over

 **Marx:** and the squishies

 **Marx:** and the weird little fat fish with the goggles on

**Kibble001:** You didn’t bother to remember their names?

**Marx:** i simply do not care for them

 **Marx:** wow the burning leos are FURIOUS at me in the moshpit for saying that

 **Marx:** fire/water solidarity

 **Marx:** the fish themselves think it’s hilarious

**Kibble001:** ...Surely they’ve told you the name by now?

 **Kibble001:** Or can’t you read their usernames?

**Marx:** yeah

**Kibble001:** ...Then what is the name?

**Marx:** i simply do not care for them

**Dee001:** Hey, Marx?

 **Dee001:** How come you and Kibble are together?

**Marx:** are we not supposed to be

**Dee001:** I just don’t get it

 **Dee001:** Like, what’s the reason

**Marx:** waddle dee homophobic moments

**Dee001:** THAHTS

 **Dee001:** NOTW AT IMN MENT

 **Dee001:** THA’T NOT HWAT I MWNAR

**Kibble001:** Are... you having a stroke?

 **Kibble001:** Marx, whatever you did to him, stop it

**Dee001:** IF THAT W3HAt you RETE THEN YOU HVEM U FULL SUPORT

 **Dee001:** IP I9MISE IN NOTL IKE THATH I D9NT;E MEANT THA

**King Dedede:** hold up, are you like

 **King Dedede:** actually okay?

**Marx:** hmm

**Dee001:** ...I’m fine. I’m fine.

 **Dee001:** That... just caught me off guard!

 **Dee001:** I’m happy for you!

**Marx:** oh we’re not dating

**Dee001:** I was just asking why you were, like, physically in the same pl

 **Dee001:** .

**Kibble001:** Oh, yeah, no we’re not

 **Kibble001:** waIT WHY DO YOU THINKT HAT

 **Kibble001:** MARX WHAT DID YOu SAY

**Dee001:** ...

 **Dee001:** I’m off to Green Greens with my group!

**_Dee001_ ** _is now offline!_

**King Dedede:** sensitive one

 **King Dedede:** Marx, don’t prod him too hard again

 **King Dedede:** he seemed really upset by... whatever you said

**Marx:** fiiiiine

**Doo101:** The other Doos and I have coordinated, we'll be wrangling Kracko into submission

 **Doo101:** He’s hoarding a lot of food to himself, most likely

**Doo201:** May we have use of Project: Kaboola, sir? It would be of great assistance in reaching the clouds.

**King Dedede:** project what

**Doo201:** ...The blimp, sir.

**King Dedede:** OH

 **King Dedede:** yeah sure

 **King Dedede:** hey is anyone going to castle lololo

 **King Dedede: @Marx** ? **@Kibble001**? It’s near the islands

**Kibble001:** Absolutely not

**Marx:** HELL no

 **Marx:** place gives me the heebie jeebies

**King Dedede:** Marx, ask your group chat if there’s anybody that isn’t a total weenie

**Marx:** WOW

**Kibble001:** Right in front of me?

**Dee401:** fkjhduih

 **Dee401:** marx down for the second time today

**Marx:** uhhh, we got a fuckin feathery boy

**Marx: @Birdon021**

**King Dedede:** 021, I want you to get two chat thingies and fly them to Castle Lololo

 **King Dedede:** explain to Lololo and Lalala what they are, and invite them to this chat

 **King Dedede:** wait

**_King Dedede_ ** _has given_ **_Birdon021_ ** _administrator privileges!_

**King Dedede:** Now you can actually invite them

 **King Dedede:** the twins can help us themselves

**_Birdon021_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_fuckin feathery boy_** _!_

**Marx:** HOW DID YOU DO THAT

**King Dedede:** WHAT

**Dee301:** Oh right, that feature

**Marx:** SHARE YOUR SECRETS

 **Marx:** I’M GONNA MAKE MY NAME SO DUMB

**fuckin feathery boy:** well, off to castle lololo

**Marx:** BLEASE

**_fuckin feathery boy_ ** _is now offline!_

**Marx:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Kibble001:** And off he went, like a thief in the night...

**King Dedede:** I’m gonna go grill meta on how to do that

 **King Dedede:** plentya things he decided not to mention

**Doo201:** We’ve spent enough time dawdling, sir. I’ll go to the hangar and activate Project: Kaboola.

 **Doo201:** Kaboola will take us Doos up, twenty five at a time.

 **Doo201:** Once we’ve all arrived, I’ll send Kaboola to patrol the Float Islands.

 **Doo201:** Forgive me, Marx, Sir Kibble, but the islands are vast, and it will be easier to scour them from the skies.

**Marx:** sweet

 **Marx:** i’ve always wanted to fly

**Kibble001:** Alas, grounded jester

**Marx:** the fool jingled miserably across the ground

**_King Dedede_ ** _has changed their username to_ **_D Times 3_** _!_

**D Times 3:** alright, everyone’s set to go

**Marx:** TELL ME YOUR SECRETS

 **Marx:** WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM META KNIGHT

**D Times 3:** you wanna different nickname?

**Marx:** YES

**_D Times 3_ ** _has changed_ **_Marx_** _'s username to_ **_resident bastard_** _!_

**D Times 3:** there

**resident bastard:** you

**D Times 3:** EVERYBODY SET OFF

 **D Times 3:** **@administrator** get your groups and get out there!

 **D Times 3:** make your king proud!

**Dee201:** aaaaaaaaaaa i was supposed to go with 001 i’mlate!

**_Dee201_ ** _is now offline!_

 **_Dee101_ ** _is now offline!_

 **_Doo201_ ** _is now offline!_

 **_Doo001_ ** _is now offline!_

 **_Doo101_ ** _is now offline!_

 **_Dee301_ ** _is now offline!_

**Dee401:** last

**_Dee401_ ** _is now offline!_

**D Times 3:** brings a tear to my eye

 **D Times 3:** marx? kibble?

**Kibble001:** He’s been typing for a long time now...

 **Kibble001:** Eh, I’ll go on ahead, he’ll catch up. The fish should already be ready

**_Kibble001_ ** _is now offline!_

**D Times 3:** Best of luck to them

 **D Times 3:** you get out there too marx

 **D Times 3:** I’m taking a nap. Someone @ me if there’s trouble

**_D Times 3_ ** _is now offline!_

**resident bastard:** You will know the wrath of a thousand hells. Foolish you were to withhold this power from me. This will not go unforgiven, king of nothing. When I’m standing atop the stars, and looking down on you, you’ll have no choice but to beg for mercy. To scream to the sky, with tears and snot running down your pathetic face. And I’ll just look at you and laugh. My day of reckoning comes. Can you say the same?

 **resident bastard:** WHEN DID EVERYBODY FUCKING LEAVE

* * *

_11:48 PM_

**Knights of the Halberd**

**Meta Knight:** **@plum plum** Now.

**plum plum:** now!

**Meta Knight:** Captain Vul, time?

**Chocolate Mix:** 0.174 seconds

 **Chocolate Mix:** Which is likely mostly the delay between Sailor seeing the message and hitting send

**Meta Knight:** At a distance of 3000 meters?

**plum plum:** a little over that, actually!

 **plum plum:** i’m about 3 and a quarter kilometers from the base, border between green greens and whispy’s forest

 **plum plum:** we need to try it on a bigger scale though

**Meta Knight:** Practically zero delay between messages, and both secure and unencrypted... this is far more advanced than morse code could ever hope to be.

 **Meta Knight:** Yes, we will make good use of this.

 **Meta Knight:** That is enough testing for tonight. It’s getting quite late. Sailor Dee, you may return now.

**plum plum:** in a bit! i found a really good picnic spot

 **plum plum:** the moon is so fucking full tonight! it looks amazing...

 **plum plum:** and it’s so quiet too, there’s nobody around

**chum chum:** oh yeah

 **chum chum:** nights like this, you just wanna kick back

 **chum chum:** relax

 **chum chum:** and not, y’know... spend all night in the training hall

**chum chum: @Sword Knight**

**Sword Knight:** It’s called discipline, Blade Knight.

**chum chum:** it’s called overworking yourself, fanboy

**Meta Knight:** Your vigilance is commendable, Sword. I may drop by for a spar later tonight.

**Sword Knight:** I’ll be ready, Sir Meta Knight!

**chum chum:** don’t enable him

**Chocolate Mix:** Yeah, I’m not sure he should be training this late, Meta Knight...

 **Chocolate Mix:** Then again, you’ve never been any better

**Try dental:** one time Javelin fell asleep in the training hall

 **Try dental:** mid lunge

 **Try dental:** and he didn’t even wake up when he hit the floor

**Javalin:** Oh, sure, air all my dirty laundry for me

**Mace:** Hey Sailor, is anyone with you?

**plum plum:** i... said nobody was around??? with how quiet it was????

**_Mace_ ** _is now offline!_

**Try dental:** AKJNGOUINUISNHNLJK

**Sword Knight:** Heh.

**plum plum:** oh wait!

 **plum plum:** i see someone!

**Javalin:** Is it one of the animal guardians?

 **Javalin:** Have you upset the forest, Sailor?

**plum plum:** no!!!

 **plum plum:** it’s another waddle dee!

**Try dental:** Sailor is making a friend

**chum chum:** tell them we say hi

 **chum chum:** don’t explain who we are. just say we say hi

**plum plum:** yeah, that could be funny!

 **plum plum:** he’s coming up!

 **plum plum:** he’s

 **plum plum:** um

**Meta Knight:** Sailor?

**chum chum:** are they doing a funny dance

 **chum chum:** do waddle dees actually dance

**Chocolate Mix:** I saw Sailor do it a few times, so probably

**plum plum:** :(

**Meta Knight:** What is that.

**Sword Knight:** Sailor, is your device experiencing a glitch? Your last message may have been corrupted.

 **Sword Knight:** All we see is punctuation. Possibly junk data.

**Meta Knight:** Perhaps >3000 meters is too much for the system to handle.

**Try dental:** hang on

 **Try dental:** tilt your head sideways

**chum chum:** wh

**Chocolate Mix:** Why?

**Try dental:** it almost looks like a frow

 **Try dental:** FROWNY FACE

 **Try dental:** SAILOR IS FROWNING SAILOR IS SAD

**Chocolate Mix:** WHAT

**Try dental:** DID THE WADDLE DEE DO THIS

**chum chum:** i’m impressed by sailor’s innovation and also filled with ungodly rage

**Javalin:** I suppose we’ll have to kill someone

**plum plum:** don’t!!!

 **plum plum:** we don’t need to kill him or anything!!!!

**Meta Knight:** Sailor Dee, what did the Waddle Dee do?

**chum chum:** tonguetwister

**plum plum:** he stole my picnic :(

 **plum plum:** cheese sandwich, crackers, a yogurt and apple juice

 **plum plum:** all gone

**Try dental:** so like... they’re just a dick?

 **Try dental:** who walks up and steals someone’s picnic that’s messed up

**plum plum:** he didn’t even take the basket? he just balanced it all on his head

 **plum plum:** which now that i think about it is very impressive

**Sword Knight:** I’d wager nothing more than a common thief, but it may be wise to keep watch in that area.

 **Sword Knight:** A single rat is not dangerous, unless left unchecked for too long.

**Meta Knight:** For now, pursuing them would be pointless. Come back to base, Sailor. You can help yourself to the kitchen to make up for your lost meal.

**plum plum:** thank you meta knight!

**Chocolate Mix:** Sorry to interrupt but we have visual on an unidentified flying object!

**Try dental:** FIRST SAILOR LOSES THEIR FOOD AND NOW ALIENS?

 **Try dental:** where’s Axe and his light speed axes when you need him

**Chocolate Mix:** No, not aliens, just an unidentified object that is flying

 **Chocolate Mix:** It appears to be a blimp of unknown model

 **Chocolate Mix:** **@Mace** , analysis

**_Mace_ ** _is now online!_

**Mace:** Pinging notifies you even if you’re off, good to know

 **Mace:** Why am I here

**Chocolate Mix:** Read up

**Mace:** Ah, I see

 **Mace:** Aaand there it is

 **Mace:** Hmm, judging by the angle, distance and general area

 **Mace:** It’s gotta be going to the Bubbly Clouds, and coming from Mount Dedede

**Meta Knight:** No.

 **Meta Knight:** You are KIDDING ME.

**Chocolate Mix:** Hold on, I just did a visual sweep across Dreamland

 **Chocolate Mix:** There’s a veritable army of Blippers and other sea creatures en route to the Float Islands, and plenty of Waddle Dees storming across the land too

**plum plum:** wait, yeah, there’s so many now!

 **plum plum:** uh, a lot of them have umbrellas, some have spears, and they’re all charging into whispy’s forest!

 **plum plum:** some are already running out carrying apples

 **plum plum:** i hope whispy will be okay... he doesn’t like people intruding like that, but there’s no way he can fight that many...!

 **plum plum:** maybe the animal guardians can keep them away? ...no, there’s only six of them...

**Chocolate Mix:** Knights of the Halberd, I see only one explanation

 **Chocolate Mix:** All of King Dedede’s minions are performing a coup. On all of Dreamland!

**chum chum:** and here i thought it would be a relaxing evening

 **chum chum:** hey isn’t a coup something specifically something that happens TO a ruling power

 **chum chum:** not from

**Chocolate Mix:** I will perform a coup on you if you don’t cease

**chum chum:** coup me

 **chum chum:** see what happens

**Javalin:** You’d think this would be important enough to not drift off topic

**Chocolate Mix:** Right, sorry

**Meta Knight:** I just got back from messaging King Dedede.

**Chocolate Mix:** What did he say?

**_Meta Knight_ ** _has quoted 11 messages from_ **_DMs_ ** _with_ **_King Dedede_** _!_

> **Meta Knight:** King Dedede, why is an airship coming from your location?
> 
> **King Dedede:** huh?
> 
> **King Dedede:** OH
> 
> **King Dedede:** yeah I’m sending it up to get food
> 
> **Meta Knight:** To steal food or simply acquire food?
> 
> **King Dedede:** where’d you get stealing from?
> 
> **Meta Knight:** Answer the question.
> 
> **King Dedede:** well
> 
> **King Dedede:** yeah, I’m stealing it
> 
> **King Dedede:** figured all the food in dreamland belongs to me, might as well take it
> 
> **King Dedede:** it was a spur of the moment desicion, really

**chum chum:** uh

 **chum chum:** “figured all the food in dreamland belongs to me”

 **chum chum:** i see why you hate the guy

**Try dental:** is this linked to the dee that stole Sailor’s picnic?

**Meta Knight:** It must be.

 **Meta Knight:** So soon after giving him those devices... this cannot be a coincidence. He must have used them to coordinate this.

 **Meta Knight:** I regret my sloth. I should have just continued flying to his castle to give reports.

 **Meta Knight:** “It likely won’t cause any harm,” I said, like a fool.

 **Meta Knight: @everyone** We may have a disaster on our hands.

**Sword Knight:** How so? I have been idle, what did I miss?

**chum chum:** jumped to attention at the ping i see

**Meta Knight:** King Dedede is stealing all of the food in Dreamland.

 **Meta Knight:** We don’t know how long he plans on hoarding the food, or if he plans on making this a routine thing.

 **Meta Knight:** We must assume the worst. And the worst case scenario is complete starvation of everyone not under King Dedede’s direct rule.

**Try dental:** storm the castle?

**Javalin:** That’s what it’s looking like

**plum plum:** um

 **plum plum:** wait!!

 **plum plum:** i met someone!!

**Meta Knight:** ...Met who, exactly?

 **Meta Knight:** Are you still at Green Greens?

**plum plum:** yeah, i was just watching the dees go into the forest

 **plum plum:** he says they stole his food too!

 **plum plum:** he wants to know where they’re going. should i tell him?

**Chocolate Mix:** It might not be the best idea to involve civilians

 **Chocolate Mix:** I doubt King Dedede has it in him to actually hurt them, but we should still be careful

**plum plum:** i told him

**Chocolate Mix:** Okay. Okay

**plum plum:** he looks... not angry? you’d think he’d be angry

 **plum plum:** they stole his food

 **plum plum:** he looks kinda jolly

**Sword Knight:** Sailor, who is he? Perhaps we know him.

**plum plum:** oh yeah i should ask him!

 **plum plum:** huh

 **plum plum:** anyone heard of someone called “kirby”?

**Author's Note:**

> And here we go.
> 
> Just a heads up, there is zero upload schedule. None. My soul has no schedule and time is an illusion anyway. But also, most chapters won't be this long, they'll probably average around the 2k word mark. And with any luck I'll manage at least an upload a month, maybe two. But keep in mind I am making precisely zero promises. I am making negative promises. You owe me a promise.


End file.
